


One Drunken (K)night

by meet_the_girl_who_can



Category: The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Alcohol, Drunk! Nicky, Fluff and Crack, Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani and Nicky | Nicolò di Genova are in Love, M/M, Mortal Andy | Andromache of Scythia, Nicky gets drunk and crack ensues, Nicky is a lightweight even as an immortal, Post-Canon, That's it that's the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:41:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26804557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meet_the_girl_who_can/pseuds/meet_the_girl_who_can
Summary: “I was not that drunk”Nile coughed into her orange juice and pins Nicky with a glare; “You were flirting with Joe”“So? Joe is my husband”Nile sets down her glass, “Nicky” she says, kind and kind of judgy and eternally brilliant “You asked if he was single and cried when he said no”
Relationships: Joe | Yusuf Al-Kaysani/Nicky | Nicolò di Genova
Comments: 29
Kudos: 693





	One Drunken (K)night

**Author's Note:**

> Nicky gets drunk and forgets he's married to the most beautiful man in creation. Based off my own tumblr crack post. 
> 
> There may be some liberty taken with how quickly the team heals from drinking - Booker seemed quite drunk during the post-credits scene so - anyway, I've mentioned alcohol and piercings as exceptions to the healing factor?

“You love me, don’t you Nicky?”

Nicky’s head shot up from where he’d been sitting at the kitchen table, quietly reading his book, waiting for Joe and Nile to come back from the grocery store. They would be at the current safe house; a tiny cabin Andy had acquired sometime in the 1850s throughout the winter – jobs permitting – so they were buckling down on supplies. Even with the blessing of electricity, which Booker had installed in all the safe houses he could remember because he had, understandably refused to freeze to death if he could help it, driving into town was not something any of them wanted to be subjected to more than they had to. So Nile and Joe had volunteered to do what Nile called ‘a big shop’ because she missed American candy and wanted to pick up her favourites if she could and lots of space heaters and blankets to replenish the moth-eaten supply they had found in the closets.

“Of course I do, Boss!” he stared at her, affronted. What had brought this on? “Andromache, you know that we all love you. You have been my beloved sister for many years, so what- “

“How _much_ do you love me?”

This really had better not be going where a part of Nicky’s brain traitorously wondered if it was going. But before he can ask for further clarification or text Joe a Hail Mary, Andy who has always been blunt and really, very sweet about it, pulls a bottle of vodka from the log basket by the fire and plonks it on the table next to her armchair.

“ _No,_ Andy”

“Please! Little brother!” she holds out a hand to him beseechingly and because Nicky is a soft touch, always, for Andy, he takes her hand and holds it gently.

“What if you die of alcohol poisoning and I am too inebriated to notice? Nile will kill me! Worse still, Yusuf would let her and he would be right! And then a century from now, Booker will kill me too!”

“Booker’s not here, and Nile worries too much. Besides which Joe’s killed you enough for the rest of us put together.”

“Nile worries exactly the right amount” Nicky murmurs in defence of his absent little sister. She helped to keep the injuries Andy sustained in proportion for them, which helped keep Andy sane. Although they now had a very robust first aid kit. And a shield.

“Look, I promise, I swear on – “she casts around for something to swear on, “On my now mortal bones and non-Promethean liver that I will stop drinking when you get drunk”

Oh. Nicky immediately relaxes. He gets drunk so easily on this modern stuff. A lightweight, as Booker had told him once.

“You promise?” he regards her with respectful suspicion. She may be mortal now, but she is still Andromache the Scythian.

Andy smiles at him proudly, knows, as she always does what he’s looking for. “I promise, Nicolò”

****

“I don’t believe you!” Nile insists, laughing so hard she can’t breathe, as Joe finishes telling about that time with him, Nicky, Casanova, and a gondola, shouldering her way through the door to the cabin, arms full of groceries “I won’t believe a word you say, ever again!”

“It’s the honest to God truth, I swear! On Nicky’s life – and well, the _morning after – “_

“S’true” comes Andy’s voice from the floor in the living room, voice tired and a little too loud, like she’s really having to focus on getting the words out. “Nearly had to get ‘em out the Doge’s Palace. ‘Gain.”

“ _Andy?”_ they both drop the bags and hurtle forward, and Joe knows they’re thinking the exact same thing, _no, no, no, no, please, please let her be_ – and Nicky, God, where’s Nicky – not _again_ , they crouch beside Andy where’s she propped up against the sofa. But she seems completely unharmed. No injury whatsoever. And then Joe spots the vodka bottle by her ankle, three quarters gone, empty coke cans she must have been using for mixers in a shiny pile beside the coffee table.

“Oh Andy, no” he laughs, guessing what she’s done.

“What is it – what’s wrong with her?”

“ _I’m fine, Nile”_ Andy says, and she sounds perfectly sober now, though her eyes shine brightly, so maybe she’s a little buzzed. Joe itches for a camera. Andromache the Scythian is drunk. He never thought he’d live to see the day. “Just a little buzzed” Andy nods at the vodka bottle and Nile glares at her reproachfully but by comparison, things could have been so much worse.

“Mmph, wait until tomorrow,” Nile mutters, squeezing Andy’s knee with an exasperated smile.

“I look forward to it”

“But where’s Nicky?”

Andy points and when they follow her finger, it’s to see Nicky curled up like a cat on the floor across from her. He’s awake, those singular eyes watching them carefully, but he doesn’t speak “He’s a lightweight” Andy stage whispers affectionately, making the other two laugh a little. Andy reaches out a hand to Nile but then tugs the younger woman down, so she’s sitting on the floor beside her. “Watch this”

“Oh, my precious one” Joe sighs, shaking his head and crawling over to lean over Nicky.

“What has the nasty lady done to you hmmm?” he croons, snorting when Andy protests. He brushes a hand through Nicky’s hair, softly, breath catching at Nicky’s beauty, the way he watches Joe’s every movement with a dreamy smile, leaning into the petting like a lounging housecat.

“Are you an angel?” Nicky asks, voice soft and wondrous. He blinks slowly up at Joe.

“You are the angel, Nico” he returns, cupping Nicky's cheek, stroking a thumb over the hot flesh. The alcohol hasn’t burned out of his system yet. He must have drunk a fair deal. He’s far too indulgent. Thank God they can’t get hangovers, “Angel of Beauty”

Nicky snorts and shakes his head, “You are the most beautiful person I have ever _seen_ ” he insists, “If you are not an angel, you must have been carved by them” One hand waves dangerously close to Joe’s face, while the other trails clumsily at his chest, brushing his ribs and abdomen.

Nicky’s face goes a charming shade of pink. Like a rose. He bites his lip in concentration, and reaches a hand out determinedly, eyes catching at Joe for permission. Joe can only nod bemusedly, wondering precisely where his drunken darling is going with this. He presses a palm flat against Joe’s abs.

“Like marble” Nicky breathes, completely uninhibited. Nile giggles behind, cooing softly at Nicky’s blatant flirting, but Joe only has eyes for his husband. He hopes Nicky remembers this in the morning. How adorable he is. “Are you single?”

Fear rushes momentarily through Joe, that his Nicolò has somehow forgotten him. But he pushes it aside, because Nicky’s drunk, _really_ drunk but that’s all it is. Joe throws his head back and laughs. _Oh, my love._

“No” Joe manages after a moment, catching at Nicky’s hands and folding them together, “No, I’m not” _Come on, my love,_ he thinks, willing the healing to speed up wondering for the umpteenth time why it doesn’t react the same way to alcohol or piercings the way it does to injuries, _Come back to me_. And then the strangest thing happens, large fat tears bud in Nicky’s eyes, becoming like the oceans Joe has always compared them to.

“Oh,” he murmurs tremulously, blinking at Joe, “Oh, of course, you’re not, forgive me, a man of your beauty, your warmth” Nicky breathes out, having slipped into Italian.

Joe gapes at him for a minute, not sure whether to laugh or cry because it sort of reminds him of their youth, of how sweetly unsure Nicky had been then, that his affection could ever be returned. He brushes the tears away, kisses Nicky’s forehead.

“Oh habibi, my love, my own sweetest heart” he pulls Nicky upright, wrapping an arm around Nicky’s waist intending to get him a coffee. “I am not single, because I am married to _you_. _Ricordi_?”

“Truly?” Nicky’s gorgeous face crumples, lovely with happiness.

“Si, Hayati, truly. Come on. Bedtime, I think”

He links their hands and tugs his Nicolò along to their bedroom. Nile and Andy watch them go, and shit, Andy really is sober, tolerance still painfully high even as a mortal. She can literally drink them under the table. They really ought to wear rings more often. He doesn’t like it when Nicky doubts the pull he has. Also, it will be helpful for moments like this, when Nicky’s sweetly drunk. Once he’s got Nicky in the bedroom, he instructs the other man to change – Nicky’s sobering up, he can tell – though he still fetches a glass of water to help the process along.

By the time he gets back, Nicky is sitting on the bed, changed and obviously sober and delightfully clingy.

“Hayati, habibi, my love” Nicky murmurs into Joe’s neck as he tips them down onto the bed.

“Water first, Nico” Joe instructs, enjoying himself far too much, wriggling (a little purposefully) over Nicky to claim the glass of water and guide it to Nicky’s lips. “All of it, my heart. Can’t have you hungover”

Nicky scowls but downs the whole thing dutifully, even though he doesn’t need it.

“Goodnight my angel” Joe tells him, only teasing the tiniest bit, snuffling into the sweetness of Nicky’s neck.

“Goodnight, my everything”

****

Joe wakes to the muted sound of heated voices coming from the living room and the smell of a fry up. Even if they’re immune to hangovers, certain things are still perfect for getting rid of the taste of alcohol from one’s mouth.

As he enters the kitchen it’s to see Nicky, sweatpants sinfully low on his hips, as he pokes at the eggs in the pan and argues with Nile good-naturedly.

“ _I was not that drunk_ ”

Nile coughed into her orange juice and pins Nicky with a glare; “You were flirting with Joe”

“So? Joe is my husband”

Nile sets down her glass, “Nicky” she says, kind and kind of judgy and eternally brilliant “You asked if he was _single_ and **cried** when he said no”

Nicky’s gone the colour of a rose again. Andy smirks into her bacon.

“Who wouldn’t?”

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:  
> Ricordi? - Remember? (Did I sneak a reference to Luca's filmography in, just because I can? Absolutely!)
> 
> I'm on tumblr @ meet-the-girl-who-can if you want to come say hi!


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